The sitch: you meet a guy (or girl) and you guys get along amazingly well; he “gets” you, you make him smile, time suddenly gets all topsy turvy and you feel sixteen in the best possible ways. And then…well nothing, the two of you obviously fit but for whatever reason it doesn’t go beyond flirting (or fondling as the case may be). Maybe in the midst of it all you’re even both dating other people (full disclosure of course because you’re friends) but you’re quietly rejecting every man who has the poor taste not to be him and he seems to be digging you in a similar way. So what gives? Well maybe it’s time you learn some sign language. There’s a chance the limbo is only temporary and you can take it to the next level but you also have to be prepped for the possibility that what you’ve began should end…at least in it’s present form.
Some signs you should stick around as is
He knows (and likes) the real you True story I have all kinds of odd little habits from counting when I’m angry to making strange sounds when I’m put on hold for too long. Under normal circumstances I tend to hide these things as best I can but sometimes I slip. Flash forward to a phone conversation about two years ago with this guy I was getting all gushy for who told me to give him a minute and a bit into I started literally making these beeping style sounds. He overheard me and I expected the worst BUT he found it amusing, called me a cartoon (that was a good thing in this case) and my cringe ended before it even started. My point: If someone can handle and even hearts your quirks then chances are good that if it’s already going good that things can get better.
He doesn’t expect you to be Wonder Woman We all have those days (or weeks) when we’re stretched way too thin and when everyone is expecting us to be everything. If you call him during this time (or he calls you) and he notes your strain and then offers up some genuine help or good advice then give this boy a gold star. Bonus points if you let a little rage slip (or some tears) and he tells you it’s cool. NOTE: This isn’t license to vent and dump all over this guy so don’t use this like some sort of sick and twisted test.
You can talk about ANYTHING I’m a firm believer that communication is key and that you should be able to talk to a potential paramour about everything (even if not in detail) so if you know you’re being mean because of PMS give him a heads up without the TMI effect of mentioning how heavy your flow is or something else that no man wants to know.
Some signs you should start changing things
You’re supportive of him but he doesn’t reciprocate If something is important to someone I care about then by default it becomes important to me whether it’s what’s going on with their favorite sports team or the latest anime import-not things I’d normally seek out but stuff which I will try to learn at least a minimal amount about. If that sounds familiar on your end consider if he’s doing the same thing for you. Does he change the subject a few seconds into you talking about something that interests you or (perhaps worse) does he bag on something because he doesn’t agree with it? Red flag ladies this won’t work long term.
Is he both a green eyed monster and a man whore? Monogamous relationships should be just that but if nothing is official then there’s nothing wrong with seeing what else is out there. I know guys who feign jealousy when I mention even talking to someone else but not for a second do they stop and consider how I might feel when they find their way to one hookup or another. Things should be equal across the board and possessiveness doesn’t necessarily equate to someone wanting a partnership with you, it could just be a territorial issue. Here’s the deal: It’s not cheating if you’re not dating and if he’s not willing to commit to something exclusive but still insists on being overly and overtly jealous about what you do when you’re not with him then it’s time to walk away, especially if he’s seeing and/or sleeping with someone else.
You’re the only one making any real effort Quick think back or your last half a dozen phone call s or outings-who initiated them? If you’re constantly the one calling (or emailing or texting) or meeting him then there’s a chance that he may not value you as much as you value him. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t set stuff up but if you’re the one making all the effort and he has all the same means to reach you as you do him then there’s a problem.
None of this is a substitute for good old fashioned common sense as every scenario is different but here’s to hoping it’s save someone some heartache one way or another.